Pretty much sums up how I feel right now. Everything is just blah, blah, blah.
Went to the Bipolar Psycho-education group (BPEG from now on), it was alright, but a bit dull really. Not sure I’m really going to learn anything I haven’t already researched and found out for myself to be honest. But hey…. I’ll still show up and sit quietly in the corner like I did today.
I’m still in a shitty moood; it’s really beginning to bug me now. The only thing, or rather people, that are keeping me from losing it altogether, are my daughter and my husband. Without them, I feel I would have broken down completely by now.
I just wish I knew what had triggered this stupid, moody, episode. I can’t put my finger on anything that it could have been. Yes I’m stressed, but that’s nothing new. I live in a permanent stressed out mode. I should be used to it by now. It could be the meds, as they can cause anger issues in some people. Seriously want off the bloody things. I want to feel like me again, rather than some drugged up, numb, weirdo. I positively hate being on medication. I don’t feel like it’s really doing me any good anyway, so what’s the point. I just get all the negative side effects, like weight gain, irritability, headaches, nausea, tiredness, hungover/groggy like feeling 24/7, and just generally fed up with taking them.
I can sum up how I feel about Quetiapine in one word – HATE. It’s an awful drug, and I’m going to push to come off it and be med free for a while. See if I can get the real me back again. The non-medicated/zombie that I currently am, just isn’t sitting well with me. Have positively had enough.