I’m not 100% sure how I feel today if I’m brutally honest….

I’ve been very short tempered at points, and then dipped really low and tearful. Not sure what’s going on really, just don’t feel good.

Been out and about for the most part of the day, was good to get out of the house for a bit. But I’m absolutely shattered, after only 3 hours sleep last night. I had really restless arms and legs, and every time I nearly dropped off to sleep, they’d twitch and wake me up. It was horrible. I’m really hoping it was a one off and tonight I’ll actually get some sleep.

Right now I’m feeling low, but not tearful. Just meh. Had a short nap whilst my baby slept this afternoon, but still feel just as knackered. Really can’t wait to get into bed tonight.

I’m still umm-ing and ahh-ing about the psychiatrists opinion on my diagnosis as well. The more I read about BPD, the more it seems to fit me and how I feel a lot of the time. I read about how it affects your sex life, and it was totally me. Either not interested in any way at all, or totally desperate for it. There’s no in between for me. Which is a trait of BPD.

I also found out that Borderline Personality Disorder, is also called Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (or EUPD for short). Another summary of the symptoms really makes me think….

If you have BPD, you may have problems with: (I’ve placed an X next to the ones I get)….

  • feeling isolated or abandoned by others X
  • self harming or suicidal thoughts X
  • coping with stress X
  • getting on with other people X
  • strong emotions that you find hard to cope with X
  • drinking or using drugs X
  • understanding other people’s points of view X
  • staying in work X
  • having a long-term relationship, or
  • being able to maintain a home.

And this:

They will diagnose you with BPD if you have at least five of the symptoms below.

  • Extreme reactions to feeling abandoned

  • Unstable relationships with others

  • Confused feelings about who you are

  • Being impulsive in ways that could be damaging.  For example, spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating

  • Regular suicidal behaviour, threats, or self-harming

  • Long lasting feelings of emptiness

  • Difficulty controlling your anger.  For example, losing your temper or getting into fights

  • Intense, highly changeable moods

  • Paranoid thoughts when you’re stressed

I can safely say yes to 5+ of those      >_<

One thing that’s really standing out to me is this:

There is no medication to treat borderline personality disorder (BPD).  But your doctor may give you medication if you have another mental illness like anxiety or depression as well as BPD. They may offer you medication in a crisis, but this isn’t helpful as a long-term treatment. 

So, I can see why the psych is contemplating taking me off medication. Because if it is BPD, then there’s no point in taking it. Well, perhaps for depression/anxiety maybe… I don’t know. We shall see what happens I suppose. I’m really trying not to diagnose myself, because that would be wrong. But, it is leaning towards it in my eyes….





2 thoughts on “Undecided….

  1. embear123 says:

    My psychiatrist says that she cannot give me a solid diagnosis for BPD until I’m 18; however, I said yes to every single one of those. I impulsively restrict food instead of binge eating though because of my ED. I have already been diagnosed with Misophonia, clinical depression, PTSD, ED and social anxiety. BPD will just add to my concoction of mental illnesses once I’m an adult. Thank you for writing this and hang in there xx


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