As the title suggests, I’m feeling good today… hence the selfie above!!
I had a bath, and did my hair and make up. Something I’ve not done for a while, as just felt too rubbish to be bothered. But today, I’m feeling really good. Not manic, just good. I’ve got a smile on my face, feeling loved and appreciated, and confident about myself, for the first time in a long time. I can’t actually remember the last time I felt like this to be honest.
Had my physical health check today too; ECG, blood test, blood pressure check (standing and sitting) and height and weight. Also asked if I smoked and whether I had plans to quit! It went okay though I think, and no alarm bells were flagged up, but then again, I did have a student nurse do it. And on investigation of normal blood pressure range, mine is a bit high. So I’m half expecting to be contacted by my GP soon. Otherwise though, I’ve got to wait for the results until next Monday (20th) when I see my new Psychiatrist.
Hoping all is well though, and that the new medication is agreeing with my physically. It seems to be kicking in now for me mentally; I don’t feel half as unstable as I did only last week. I’m 80% there I think, there’s still the 20% where I’m either really high or really low, but it is starting to settle down now. Typical really, now that I’ve got a CPN and extra support. But I guess it’s not too bad really, it’s always useful to have extra support even when well. I wouldn’t say I was 100% “good”, but I’m not far off.
Can’t believe it’s my 32nd birthday on Friday. I feel old. I know in the grand scheme of things, it’s not really that old, but I sure feel it! I’m hoping this will be my year though, where I get a firm grip on reality and be the fierce little warrior everyone perceives me as.
I’m feeling more positive about the future now too, and am enjoying being a mum again. I was worried because I’d lost that feeling for a little while. But it’s coming back now, and I’m loving it. My daughter is my absolute world, I wouldn’t be without her. And the suicidal ideations are getting less and less now too. They’re more passing thoughts than obsessions now, so that’s definitely progress. I couldn’t leave my little girl, or my husband, friends, family…. I wouldn’t want to cause them the heartache.
Some of my favourite quotes right now 🙂
I’ve been through a rough time over the last few weeks, and seen some very dark places in my mind, but I think I’m coming out the other side of that now. I can see light at the end of the tunnel and it’s all looking good again.
Being Valentines day today, does make me feel a little emotional, due to the fact that it’s 13 years today that my boyfriend became my fiance! It was totally unexpected, and very romantic. It’ll always be a special day to me, despite the fact we don’t really ‘do’ Valentines, in the way of gifts or cards etc. I don’t mind though, because I don’t need a particular day to show my husband that I love him, nor him to show me he loves me. We show it daily and say “I love you” to each other a lot anyway. To be honest, Valentines day is just so over commercialised, and basically the card/chocolate/florists way of making more money. It’s clever, I’ll give it that, but ultimately pointless. Romance should be alive every day, not just one day of the year.
Sorry, that was a bit of a ranty moment haha….
Since getting together in October 2003, we’ve been through a lot as a couple; 5 homes, a marriage and a baby! And I wouldn’t change a thing. Despite the stresses and the tough times, there’s been plenty of happy and great times to make up for that. I love my life, my husband, my daughter, my forever home and just generally happy with how things are right now. Of course, things could be better (eg financially), but money can’t buy you happiness. I’ve got exactly what I need, and that’s what matters the most. We do tend to go through life constantly wanting more than what we’ve got, but really we should be thankful for what we do have, as there are many a lot worse off than we are, with a lot less in their life. I’m grateful for everything I have.
Anyway, I think that’s enough rambling for now, need to get my baby up from her nap, she’s already slept longer than she should of really…. gonna struggle getting her to go down to sleep tonight now, oops! Ah well, these things happen I guess haha! 🙂 TTFN.