Con te partirò

Time to say goodbye….

Today I did something I never imagined myself ever doing; saying goodbye to a friendship of over 16 years. A lot has gone on, that I can’t go into here, but it’s led me down a very dark path. Somewhere I never imagined I’d ever be. I’ve had to be brutally honest with this person, and close the door on our friendship. It’s tough for sure, but there was nothing else I could do; no other way around it. It hurts, like hell. But life sucks sometimes, and you have to make decisions that you don’t want to make, and that hurt you. I’ll be alright in time, is just going to take some time to get my head around things and move on from it.

In other news, I’ve got a physical health check tomorrow at 2pm. Because of the medication that I’m on, I’ve got to have an MOT. Blood tests, blood pressure check, weight check, ECG and fuck knows what else. Basically checking me over in all ways really. I may be mentally unwell, but hopefully my physical health isn’t in such bad shape.

The last week or so has been a nightmare really; once again, I can’t go into all the details, but lets just say I don’t want to repeat it in a hurry.

Have had the confirmation letter through today, for my transfer to the north mental health team, and my appointment to see my new psych on the 20th. I really am hoping that she’s better than the useless one I’ve had since 2014. Can’t be any worse surely?! This one is a consultant psychiatrist, instead of a speciality doctor in psychiatry. Not totally sure what the difference is, but the consultant part makes me think she may be better qualified to help me….?!

Currently listening to one of my favourite bands – Avenged Sevenfold – loudly. Blasting out the cobwebs of the last few days. As per usual the lyrics speak to me on a deeper level than they probably do for most. I’ll end this post with one of my favourites –

Buried Alive

Take the time just to listen
When the voices screaming are much too loud,
Take a look in the distance,
Try and see it all,
Chances are that ya might find,
That we share a common discomfort now
I feel I’m walking a fine line
Tell me only if it’s real

Still I’m on my way,
On and on it goes,
Vacant hope to take

Hey – I can’t live in here for another day
Darkness has kept the light concealed
Grim as ever
Hold on to faith as I dig another grave
Meanwhile the mice endure the wheel
Real as ever
And it seems I’ve been buried alive

I walk the fields through the fire,
Taking steps until I found solid ground
Followed dreams reaching higher
Couldn’t survive the fall
Much has changed since the last time
And I feel a little less certain now
You know I jumped at the first sign
Tell me only if it’s real
Memories seem to fade
On and on it goes
Wash my view away

Hey – I can’t live in here for another day
Darkness has kept the light concealed
Grim as ever
Hold on to faith as I dig another grave
Meanwhile the mice endure the wheel
Real as ever
And I’m chained like a slave, trapped in the dark
Slammed all the locks, death calls my name
And it seems I’ve been buried alive

Take you down now, burn it all out
Throw you all around, get your fuckin’
HANDS OFF ME!
What’s it feel like? Took the wrong route
Watch it fall apart now you’re knockin’ AT THE WRONG GATE!
For you to pay the toll, a price for you alone
The only deal you’ll find, I’ll gladly take your soul

While it seems sick, sober up quick
Psycho lunatic crushing you with
HANDS OF FATE!
Shame to find out, when it’s too late
But you’re all the same
Trapped inside INFERNO AWAITS!
Evil thoughts can hide, I’ll help release the mind
I’ll peel away the skin, release the dark within

This is now your life
Strike you from the light
This is now your life
Die, buried alive
This is now your life (what’s it feel like)
Strike you from the light (let me take in your soul)
This is now your life (what’s it feel like)
Die, buried alive (let me take in your soul)
This is now your life
Die, buried alive!

 

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