On the up….

Feeling a little bit better today; apart from a really bad mood this afternoon, today has been a good day. I’m still feeling rough physically with the damn withdrawals and the labrynthitis as well. But hey, things could be worse of course, so I should be grateful for that.

Currently trying to get my daughter to go back to sleep!!

Have been moaned at and criticised a lot today, which has gotten me down a bit to be honest. Moaned at for moving away from family, and criticised for what I feed my daughter! Ironically by the same person. I really had to bite my tongue or I would have said something I’d of regretted.

Listening to Green Day and chilling out right now, as well as the above baby to sleep challenge! She’s next to me on the sofa, just keeps laughing and giving me a cheeky smile from behind her dummy. (Yes I’m one of ‘those’ mothers who uses dummies! Oh well).

Just been scrolling through Twitter, and seen an image of a bowl with a crack in it, that had been repaired with Gold. The caption underneath said:

In Japan, broken objects are often repaired with gold. The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the objects history, which adds to it’s beauty.

Consider this when you feel broken.

I tried to post the pic but it wouldn’t let me. ^sad face^ You’ll just have to use your imagination!

I really like what it’s saying though; in all honesty, I’ve been broken so many times, so have many cracks of gold, I just need to remember that my history makes me who I am now, and no matter how bad I feel, I’m still a beautiful person deep down. It’s hard to believe right now of course, as I’m still not 100% well, but there’s a small part of me that can see it. I’ve just got to cling on to that thought and convince myself of it somehow….

I’ve also just realised that today, not once, have I thought of suicide….!!!! That’s a big thing for me, and I’m actually feeling quite proud of that! Was only when I was adding tags to this post, and saw the word, that I thought of it. Not in a negative, self destructive way though. Just in general. I must be getting better….

I’ve received through the post today, confirmation of my appointments next week. 1st one being with my new CPN, and the 2nd being with my psych. And then after the appointment with the psych I’m meeting with one of the facilitators for a course I’m going on. It’s a “Bipolar Psycho-education group”. My psych referred me for it. It runs for 6 weeks, and covers all aspects of Bipolar, and how to manage symptoms. So hopefully it’ll be really useful for me. I’m looking forward to it.

Baby is still awake…. grr. Just babbling away and playing with her cuddly sheep haha.

Think I’ll call it a night with this, as the words are staring to blur and swim across the screen…. ugh, I hate being poorly and meds withdrawals!! TTFN.



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