You spin me right round….

So today I’m having to deal with physical illness, as well as mental. The only way I can describe it, is like I’m drunk. But I’ve not been drinking. I feel so sick and dizzy, all the damn time. Even sitting here typing this is difficult, as the words are just swimming all over the page. It’s awful. Hubby reckons it’s labrynthitis. Yay. Just what I don’t want. He said if I’m still feeling like this in the morning, he’ll have the day off so I can rest and possibly get myself looked at. Keep contemplating calling 111 for some advice, but don’t know if I’m really urgent enough to do so.

Seriously can’t wait until hubby is home tonight though, am really struggling to look after our daughter, as bending down to pick her up etc just makes me feel so so dizzy and I nearly fall over. It’s horrible.

Mentally I feel a little better today; the suicidal thoughts have still been there, but not nearly as intense or as often. So I’m taking that as progress. Hopefully because my Quetiapine dosage was increased so rapidly, it’s working quicker. Or it just could be a fluke and I’ll feel bad again tomorrow. Or even later on today. I just can’t say for certain.

I hate having such an unpredictable illness; it’s frustrating at the best of times, but at the worst of times it’s even more so. I just want to be stable, happy and well. That’s all I ask. But it seems I’m asking too much right now for that to happen.

I missed my psych appointment today, because I went back to bed this morning, as I just didn’t feel well at all. Wish I could have stayed in bed all day to be honest. If hubby takes tomorrow off at least I can rest up a bit.

I’ve now got a care coordinator, whom I’m seeing next Wednesday, a lady called Sarah. Then I’ve got another psych appointment on the Friday. Followed by the week after my physical health check (blood tests, ecg, blood pressure and weight), then it’s my birthday. After that, the week after, on the Monday I’m seeing my new psych. Hooray. Hopefully she’ll be better.

I’m beginning to think there’s more to my diagnosis than just bipolar disorder. I’m showing traits of borderline personality disorder as well. Which I’m going to bring up at my next appointment I think. I’m going to do some research, but from what I’ve read and from conversations I’ve had, it’s possible I have that too.

I’m not by any means trying to diagnose myself at all, don’t get me wrong. But from what people have said to me about how they perceive me etc, they’ve said that there is a chance that I’m un-diagnosed for something else. I’ll do a separate post about BPD later on, when I’ve done some further research.



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