I need a break…. 

…. From Bipolar Disorder. 

Just had the most exhausting bath, and it was just a standard, in-wash-out, kind of affair. But yet it feels like I’ve just swum the English channel.

My depressive episodes are awful; literally just want to curl up in a ball until it’s over. Rock bottom isn’t far away right now and that scares me. I hate it. My anxiety is through the roof as well and I can’t stop it. I’ll likely cry myself to sleep tonight, as it’s the only way I get any sleep right now. If I can cry that is, the last couple of days I’ve found it impossible. I’m so numb and torn up inside, that the tears just won’t fall. They’re kinda stuck in there somewhere and I know that when I eventually can cry it’ll be like a tidal wave of emotion. Pouring out of me with no end. 

Currently drinking a sugary cuppa, because that’s the only thing that stops me feeling sick from the increased dosage of anti-psychotic. I hate feeling sick. It’s an emetephobic person’s worst nightmare. That anxiety of maybe you’ll actually be sick. The what if I am and I choke? But then if I choke I might die…. 

I feel like a total train wreck at the moment. 

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